Doug vs
by Anonymous Fanz
Summary: Agent Silent Wind (Aka Doug) is both Dan's brother, and a agent of a shadowy organization. This means he tends to find himself caught in Dans revenge schemes, and sometimes forced to stop them.
1. New Mexico

Me: I am starting this new piece of work, because I plan on taking a break from my main RVB, I'm still planning my Xmen project's next chapter, I'm still on break from my Haruhi project, and I don't feel like editing old projects right now. So here comes a project I am reluctant to start this early.

Doug: Yeah. Ok. So, I do the disclaimer now, right?

Me: Yep!

Doug: Anonymous Fanz doesn't own anything except me.

...

I heard my Phone ringing. "Doug! Get to my at my house as soon as possible!" Sounds like he's angry. Well, I got nothing to do today. I might as well get over there.

...

Dan was on the Phone with some one. He hung up and started walking toward the door. Either he's leaving, or he knows I'm here. I'm going to assume the former. "Oh, Doug. Great. Saves me the trouble of leaving the note to tell you go to the library." I'm going to assume he didn't just call me either to save money on his phone bill (note to self: find out what phone plan Dan uses.) or just to make me have to go walk more.

...

While Dan went over to Chris, I decided to search through books for anything of importance to the people of New Mexico. I honestly don't care what Dan does, as long as it doesn't mess with my Job. I noticed Dan was fighting Chris. And I just found something that could help him.

...

"May I help you, sir?"

"Doubt it."

"May I help YOU, sir."

"Yes. We're looking for information on New Mexico."

"Right over there. Between the nine hundred, and the nine-O-eight." That guy looks familiar. (Note to self: Look for information on that librarian.)

"He's talking in code. Get him."

"Relax. It's the Dewey decimal system, a semi-universal code."

"So he's just talking about books?"

"More specifically, where the Books are located."

"Hey, buddy, don't you think we tried all the normal books?"

"We need some specific information."

"How do we HURT New Mexico?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"It's personal."

"Personal vendetta's against states? Sure. Right over there in the do it you self section."

"Thank you good sir I— Wait a minute! Drop the attitude pal. We're your customers. I new this guy couldn't help us.

"I didn't say that. I can help you. But I want something in return."

"I just new it. Librarians are jerks."

"Let's hear him out."

"See that goon over there. He's got a new girlfriend."

"So."

"It's my wife."

"We only came in for a book."

"You want help with something, I want help with something."

"And this guy just mulls around your library?"

"Silently mocking me."

"I can't believe this." Good thing I got nothing to do today.

...

"I don't feel right about this. I mean, isn't this the librarians business?"

"No it's perfect. We help someone else get their revenge, and in turn, he helps me. Karma."

"Yeah but—"

"But nothing. Shut up!"

"But I'm not killing anyone."

"What!"

"I'm not killing someone for the librarian. That's a deal breaker."

"You run over people dozens of cyclists."

"Yeah, but they all lived. And I'm not killing this guy either." I could do it my self.

"And now you tell me?"

"Yeah. I, mean, I was—I was gonna say something inside but—"

"But?!"

"The. I didn't. Your right, I should have."

"You should have!"

"I know, your right."

"He walks away?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder if he knows how lucky he is." The guy got hit by a bus.

"I guess we were luckier." I said. If Chris had tried, we would have been hit by that bus.

While Dan went inside, I got a phone call. "Agent Silent Wind. We have a assignment for you." Ah great.

...

Well, I have to make sure Dan succeeds in finding a way to New Mexico, for my Mission. Apparently Dancing Shadow, Who ever She is, is also on the mission. (Note to self: Find out who Dancing Shadow is.) I got in Chris's car. Apparently his wife (Dancing Shadow?) was coming with us. Also, she already took shotgun.

"All this driving is making me sleepy. Dan! Stop kicking my seat. I'm trying to drive."

"I'm pretty sure that's what's keeping you awake."

"Something on your mind Dan?"

"How come she gets to sit in the front seat?"

"Because it's our car."

"Well that's not fair. What's she even doing here?"

"Your not the only one with a grudge against New Mexico." IT'S HER!

"Hello, I asked what it did to you?" I stopped listening too.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You can't say something like that and not follow up. Chris, back me up on this. CHRIS!" Chris was asleep. Oh no. Elise took the Wheel. Good thing I buckled my seat belt. To bad Dan didn't.

...

"This is not necessary."

"It's this or kicking your seat every Five seconds."

"My eyes are drying out."

"Your small sacrifice will be remembered." We stopped for gas.

"Anybody want anything?"

"Only my sweat, sweat revenge. And maybe some peanut griddle."

...

"Yes! Milkshake machine! I choose milkshakes!" Where! I want Milkshakes. I noticed Chris dropped some stuff. I grabbed a bag of chips.

"It's still one thing if the cookies are in them."

"Ok, but we're having Salad for dinner."

"But Dan said We were having Burgers for dinner."

"If Dan jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"Dan would probably throw him off."

...

The sign said go home Dan. Well I'll be—

"It knows we're here!"

"Hey drop me off at the nearest exit." Well, that about confirms it.

"Why?"

"Um, uh, Girls stuff."

"We can take you into town."

"This is good. Thanks." I snuck out undetected (Note to self: I'm awesome!) as Dan moved into Elise's seat.

"So your Dancing Shadow."

...

We snuck up to AREA 52. It's empty. By appearance.

"We should throughly check the perimeter." Elise began moving to the right. Guess that means I have left. Or she wants me to follow her. Splitting up is faster.

...

We grouped back. No security Outside. A saw a Jeep. Elise was near by. I snuck inside the Jeep. Elise struck the Guard after the Jeep went out of my sight. I think. I jumped doubt, onto a roof. I was above a Guard. I jumped on him. Elise hit the other. "Let's get inside."

Elise threw a shuriken at a camera. I threw a small knife at the other. Both were destroyed at the same time. We moved across the hall, and found Cliched laser security systems. Of course, it works great, so who can complain. Oh right, the guys getting past them. I jumped through them to the other side. Elise turned off the switch. I thought that was for this rooms lighting.

I began moving through the Vents. As Elise took out Guards, I hit the last one from above. All too easy.

...

"Looks like Dan needs help." I said, as we flew over him. Elise activated the TRACTOR BEAM (Note to self: Take apart the ship to use it's equipment.)

"Keep your filthy tentacle off my—"

"Relax. We are neither aliens, Nor—"

"What are you doing here?!"

"I got abducted by aliens, but I hijacked the Ship, picked up Elise, and now, we are saving you."

"Oh. His Elise."

"What happened to Chris?"

"Cultists."

"What? He's fine!"

"Ready to go?"

"Almost." Elise began firing the Death ray all over New Mexico. I'm starting to Question if this was an actual assignment. It's starting to look more like we've been sabotaged or compromised or something. Meh. Not my mission.


	2. The Wolfman

Me: I am working on this thing and another project. The other project is way bigger.

Librarian: What the fu—

Me:I have you in my world. To leave, simply read the Sign.

Librarian: Anonymous Fanz doesn't own anything except Doug. What the he—

Me: we won't see much of him. Anymore.

...

"Doug! Get to my house now!"

"You live in an Apartment." I muttered. I just woke Up. I quickly made toast, put jam on it, and left. (Note to self: Eat more food later.)

...

"Glad you made it." Dan said.

"I ate my breakfast on the way here. What are we doing?"

"I'm getting revenge on the wolf man."

"How do you know it's—" I looked, and saw the scratches on his car. Command won't like this. "Aw shi—"

...

"What took you so long?"

"Nice to see you too."

"Stupid Wolf-Man, I'll get you!"_  
_

"There's no such thing as a Wolf-Man Dan." Not officially...

"How could you be so naive? Look at the fur! Look at the paw prints!"

"There's an animal shelter right there."

"Look."

"Those are sneaker prints."

"Exactly!"

"The wolf man must have changed forms here." I muttered out loud.

"Exactly. Even Doug agrees with me."

"This isn't the movies! This is real life! Stop living in a fantasy world! The Wolf-Man scratched my car and he must pay! Next month!"

"Why next month?"

"Because last full moon was yesterday. We have to wait a whole month before he changes. We get revenge that day. Or at least identify his human form. After that, we can find him anyway." I said.

...

"Command? I think I can find him."

"This better not be like the time you thought Dancing Shadow's Third hand orders to you were from compromised operatives."

"How was I supposed to know it was part of her scheme to destroy New Mexico!?"

"Give us our Intel."

"Remember how the Wolf man experiment has been on the loose for year? I think I can find him."

"We will send you what information we have. We hope it will help you succeed where many others have failed."

...

As I gathered my Equipment, I got a phone call.

"Doug! The police arrested me! You have to break me out."

"Or I could pay bail." I said.

"That's too easy." Of coarse he would say that. I don't have time for this. (Note to self: arrange to get back Dan's knucks.)

...

Of all the days to hunt down the wolfman, why Halloween. So many people In Costumes. It's hard to tell them apart from the real deal. I almost shot several people with my sniper. It shoots a special toxin, which could paralyze the wolfman in theory. (Note to self: Test if the toxins work.) These things are strong enough to probably kill a man. (Note to self: Make sure I don't shoot any people with this.)

I could see Dan and Chris. Glad they got out OK. I could see the wolfman. I fired, but the darts apparently alerted him as they were fired. (Note to self: Find more silent method of injecting Toxon into wolfman.) Dan and Chris shading him didn't help.

...

"Where have you been?!"

"Getting your Knuckle's making sure the wolfman doesn't go unpunished. I was the one shooting at him."

"Well your shooting scared him off."

"I didn't realized he had that good hearing."

...

"This is it? I told you to bring me all the silver you could find, and you bring me one lousy coin?"

"Yeah, and I'm actually going to need that back.  
It's kind of a family heirloom.  
It was my great-great-grandfather's Iucky silver—"

"It would have been better to bring nothing." I said.

"I need silver to wound the Wolf-Man. It's part of my plan."

"But it'll be destroyed."

"I would rather he lived. My boss heard about this, and said he would promote me if I caught him."

"I don't care." Well that's great.

...

I went to see what I can replace my Sniper with. Crossbow is a bit to noisy. Beside, I'm not able to substitute my snipers range skills with it. The Bow is the best guess. And it keeps Dan out of the cemetery. I don't want him digging up the zombies and becoming one. Or causing a zombie epidemic. (Note to self: Make a zombie plan.)

...

"I'm just saying, we coat my Toxin over the Arrow. You also get a bow, and If we don't kill him we will render him harmless, and allow me to get my promotion. Everyone wins."

"Fine! You can put your Venom over it." It's not venom, but I'll take it.

...

"Man I hate coffee."

"So why'd you get it?"

"I used their bathroom."

"What does using their bathroom have to do with anything?"

"Bathrooms are for customers only Chris."

"Ok, but why did you get coffee?"

"We're on a stakeout. You have to have coffee on a stakeout. Tell me how it's possible to have a stakeout without a cup of joe."

"That rarely happens, but when it does, it's mostly during the day."

"I don't care."

"I Like the Coffee."

"These donut's suck."

"I like them."

"Shut up Doug."

"Why did we have to take my car?"

"Dan's was damaged, mine is in the shop." (Note to self: Get my car next week.) I heard the wolfman

"It's him!"

"Let's roll." Dan spilled his coffee on him and Chris. I'm glad I am in the back. Very little coffee touched me."

...

"Oh no. I ran over another cyclist."

"And he's probably fine like the rest were."

"He's close. I can sense his presence."

"You—"

"He can. Trust me. He has this weird sense that tells him when someone is near."

"See. I told you I could sense him." I gave Dan the bow.

"Chris, drive!"

"Keep it steady. That's our only arrow."

"Fetch this, fido."

"Right in the A—"

"Great shot!" He interrupted me!

"Stop here." I jumped out. I need to find the wolfman.

...

I entered room 314. The wolfman was passed out. Now to throw him out the window into some other Agents truck. (Note to self: Find out who's bringing the wolfman to base for me.) Dan was outside. I kicked a window, to make it look like the wolfman jumped through.

"What happened?"

"The wolfman jumped out the window."

"Oh well."

"That was my promotion!" I said.

"I was just gonna— On second thought, I'll do it anyway." I don't know what he's doing, but I don't care.


	3. The Ninja

Me:I'm going to skip the dentist, since Doug doesn't do much in my idea of what that chapter would look like So far. I do know how to make this chapter cover some of Dougs backstory.

Dave: Anonymous Fanz doesn't own anything except for Doug.

...

I got a call from Dan. Apparently he was attacked by a ninja. Considering the possibility the ninja was trying to kill me, and mistaken Dan for me, I should probably stay near to him until I know more.

...

"Morning Dan."

"Is it?"

"Is it morning?

"I was attacked by a ninja last night. Make me some pancakes."

"Ninja?"

"Pancakes!"

"Are you sure it was a ninja?"

"Of course. He stole my cookies and exploded my lactose-free milk." No ninjas I know would do that. None that are alive anyway...

"Do ninjas do that?"

"There was a clan that once stole peoples cookies." I explained.

"See! It was a ninja!"

"But they died a long time ago." I said.

"Do I smell pancakes?"

"I get mine first."

"Hi Dan. You're up early."

"I was attacked by a ninja last night. He stole my cookies."

"I'm sure it wasn't a ninja."

"You too? If it wasn't a ninja, where did I get this?" It's them!

"My table!"

"Now tell me it's not a ninja." It's the Koshigi clan! But how?! They all died!

"What was that?"

"Uh, nothing. I, um, I have to go. Dan, we'll help you with your problem." I don't know what connection Elise has to them. (Note to self: Find out Elise's connection to the Koshugi.)

"Finally. A voice of reason. Why can't you be helpful like her."

"What?! I'm always helping—"

"When have you WILLINGLY helped?" I asked.

"It would be a good idea if you wait here with doors locked, and the shades drawn. And don't answer the door. For anyone."

"Did you notice anything strange right there?"

"Not particularly. We have ninjas after us. The suggestion we just got may not be good enough Security." I said.

...

I took the time to check my gear. I took out My Katana, The Life Taker. (I think that's what it's name translates to. Note to self: Find an exact translation.) Everything else, I did not need. Chris went to answer the door. I went out the window, and snuck around. It was Elise.

...

"So I'm confused."

"As always."

"You believe in ninjas now."

"What makes you think i didn't believe in them before?"

"She said it PROBABLY wasn't a ninja." I reminded. "I wasn't sure if Dan was attacked by a ninja until he showed the weapon."

"Shuriken."

"I know what it's called!" I have almost a hundred of those.

"These tracks indicate a split-toe sock with climbing spikes on the bottom."

"Defineltly Koshugi clan." I said.

"The whatsa-whosits?"

"A ninja family that has lived in the shadows for centuries. The story takes place in Japan. Several hundred years ago, a man named Jiro Koshugi lived a life of peace. Jiro was good at two things, hiding, and making cookies."

"Oh, wait a minute. This guy doesn't make cookies. This guy steals cookies."

"This guy isn't Jiro. If he were, we wouldn't even know your cookies were stolen, and you may have been found with that Shuriken in your head." I said.

"During the chaos of the Sengoku period, military conflict between rival factions was constant." One of which a friend of mine was a part of the remnants of.

"It was in one of these battles that Jiro's cookie shop was burned to the ground. He dedicated his life to revenge."

"I guess he's not all bad."

"They say he never baked again. He was called Shinobi no mono."

"Stop making up words."

"It's japanese." I said.

"Do I look japanese!"

"It means "one who steals away."

"More commonly known as Ninja." I said.

"Soon other dispossessed dessert-makers joined him, and he trained them in the art of ninjutsu."

"So why did this guy gank my cookies?"

"His followers swore the same oath he did. To never bake their own cookies. They only get the cookies they steal."

"Man, I hate me some ninjas."

"I have no idea how many others might be left. I thought they were wiped out." I said.

"Can I ask a question?"

"If you must."

"How do you know so much about this stuff?"

"I know a guy who knows a lot about this rival ninja clan. An old friend of mine."

"Wait, why didn't you get him to help?" Dan asked.

"He isn't alive anymore. The guy was old." I said. I mean He knew my grandma, old.

"I see a lot of ninja movies."

"And the katana?"

"I got this from him. It belonged to one of his ancestors, the foundering leader of the clan." I said.

"This is a ninjato." Elise said.

"Either way, I've never seen you carry a sword before."

"I can carry a sword when I want to."

"It's not like we have ninja's trying to kill you everyday. The need to use a weapon rarely comes these days, for some people." I said. I'm not one of them.

"Combined with the fact that you seem to have knowledge that relates directly to the situation we find ourselves in, I think an explanation is in order."

"I haven't heard that much from you since... Ever." I said.

"That's because you never ask me about my tomato garden."

"Why would I?"

"Well? Okay, you know I had a life before we met, right?"

"Uh–huh." While Elise was talking, I observed the shuriken. Who ever did this was sloppy. The shuriken was meant to hit dans head, but he missed, exploding his milk. The blade wasn't poisoned. Which means it probably was not meant for a specific target. The tracks suggest he was stalking Dan, before taking the cookies. The ninja dropped the cookies (that he didn't eat or spit out.) in the bush.

"Guy's, the cookies we're dropped in This bush. The ninja must attacked Dan because he didn't like them, due to them not being made with butter, since Dan is lactose intolerant. He then tried to kill Dan, but hit his lactose free milk." I said.

...

While the guys were at Mikes Costumes, I went to work on a plan Elise had. "Okay, come out and let us take a look."

"I don't know about this."

"Oh, come on! He doesn't look like me a all."

"It should be close enough to fool him from a distance in the least." I said.

"I- I still don't get why I'm dressing up as Dan."

"Because if I do, your less likely to be killed by his attack than I am." I said. I look close enough to Dan that I could perfectly get the disguise, but that means the poison he will most likely deploy will be very capable of killing me. I'm not that willing to draw this guy out.

"Okay, there's the part I don't like."

"We can't use Dan, because the. The Ninja will leave. We can't use me, because I'm need to fight him. If you die, it can still help us." I said.

"Well then I'm expendable?"

"Let's just say non-vital, it's nicer."

"No, it's not that you're expendable, Chris, it's that the next step will be for the ninja to poison Dan somehow."

"Considering that you bigger than him, the poison calibrated for Dan Probably won't work." I explained.

"Probably?!"

"Yeah 68% chance. I think." I said. (Note to self: Do calculations before I give them.)

...

"Now act like Dan!"

"Sigh. Hey, I'm Dan! And I'm... angry. Very angry."

"Idiot."

"Dan, shh."

"He's doing it wrong! I am much more suave, debonair and sophisticated than that!"

"Yes Dan, that's a very debonair stain you have on your shirt."

"I'll have you know I have sophistication coming out the wazoo!"

"Start ranting about the ninja or something." I said.

"I am really angry at that Ninja, because he stole my cookies—OW!"

"Get him!"

"Hey! C- Can I get a little help, I got this dart in my neck. Ow!"

"Chris, are you ok?" I asked.

"Flying monkeys? This time of year?"

"Halucinations. I should probably work on some antitoxins."

"Someone, call the zoo! Why must you torment me? Why can't you be satysfied with flying? Help! Someone! This is very confusing."

...

"So I said, 'They're not my radishes. You're the one with your left blinker on.'"

"Chris?"

"Oh, hey Glendale."

"He's Halucinating." I said.

...

"Aw, man, this guy's heavy."

"Sorry."

"You ever think of skipping a meal once in a while?"

"Quit complaining, Dan."

"Oh, sure, you can say that. You've got the light end."

"Chris is just as heavy on all sides." I said.

"You aren't even carrying him." Dan said.

"That's because I'm keeping lookout." I said. I took a note of the door. "Look, a page." I said, giving it to Elise.

"Shinobi no mono wa kanarasu katsu."

"It's gibberish! The ninja's toying with us!"

"No it's Japanese. I only understood the first part."

"This is a formal challenge."

"For who?" I asked.

"For me."

"Oh. I guess I can leave then." I said, dragging Chris inside the house.

...

"Wow, this guy is heavy." I said, after putting him on the couch.

"I told you." Dan said.

"I didn't doubt it. I just said it wasn't easier for Elise."

"So when do we leave?"

"We don't. It's single combat, with no witnesses. That is the sacred ritual." I said.

"Could someone bring me some water?"

"Where is it?"

"It's a secret. You can't go." I said.

"If you win, I get my cookies back, right?"

"I'm pretty sure your cookies are gone. They've most likely been eaten."

"Either that or thrown away. You won't be getting them back." I said.

" But that's not fair!"

"The Koshugi don't play fair." Their a band of Ninjas, assassins, spies—" I said.

"And cookie thieves?"

"Yes."

"I hope you kill that guy."

"I will, or die trying."

"Either way. I just don't understand what your blood feud has to do with my cookies.

"Nothing. The ninja was just stealing your cookies to eat them, but when I showed up, the feud was rekindled. Of course, since you were already in the middle, you became a target."

"So if you die, will they still come after me?"

"They should come for me next, seeing as I was affiliated with one of there oldest enemies. And since your affiliated with us, you and Chris will likely be targeted next." I said.

"Well, then I would appreciate, as a favor to me, that you not die."

"Okay, Dan, for you."

"Hey, it's not just about me. As long as that ninja's alive, no one's cookies are safe, including mine."

"Wait. What's this about combat?"

"Never mind. Just get some rest."

"Where am I? Uhh."

"Will you stay here with Chris?"

"Of course."

"Eat anything you want in the fridge!"_  
_

"Hey, Chris, open wide! Here's a nice pastrami sandwich for you." I left to follow Elise.

"Ow! Stop it! Hey, where did Elise and Doug go?"

"Shut up."

...

"You shouldn't be here, but I shouldn't either." I said.

"Why are you interested in the ninja?" Dan asked.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later." I said. "Look." The ninja and Elise are fighting. I jump kicked the Ninja.

"hey, that was so not fair!"

"Fair? You're a ninja! Finish him."

"All right, all right. Hang on. You win."

"You surrender?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Aw, you said to the death!"

"That's true. It's on the scroll you sent."

"Dude, seriously, come on!"

"What's to stop the rest of the Koshugi from from attack us?" I asked.

"Because I'm the whole clan."

"How weren't you killed with the others?" I asked.

"Yeah, that. Well, it was the annual Koshugi clan barbecue and training retreat on Mount Fuji. I couldn't make it because I had a wicked case of head lice and they didn't want me giving it to everybody."

"So they didn't let you go with them, meaning you weren't there during the attack." I said.

"What attack?" Dan asked.

"How are you connected to the Koshugi?" Elise asked.

"My old friend was a member of the Rival clan. Specificall, one of the factions that fought in the battle which destroyed Jiro Koshugi's cookie shop. Koshugi swore revenge on them, and his followers fought them until they destroyed each other in a last battle. An ambush on mount Fuji. The only survivor was one ninja who was fortunate enough as to have left behind after he was injured climbing the mountain to prepare the ambush." I said. "That was me." I said.

"I thought your friend was the member." Dan said.

"He was also a member. He was the one who trained me in Ninjitsu. He died in the fight, but lived long enough to give Me his sword. The one wielded by his ancestor, the first leader of the clan. He was a ninja so fast, he rarely seen. They called him Sairento-fū." I said.

"More gibberish." Dan said.

"Japanese. It means 'The Silent Wind.'" I said.

"When did this happen?" Elise asked.

"A few years ago." I said.

"So are we going to kill him or what?"

"What's with this guy?"

"You stole his cookies." I said.

"Dude, there's got to be something we can work out."

"Maybe there is."

...

"Wow. I swore I'd never do this. Guess I'm not a ninja anymore."

"We've all had to give up that dream at some point."

"In my case, after the ambush." I said. As far as anyone I don't work for knows anyway.

"What will you do now?"

"Don't know. I saved up some of my ninja money. Plus there was a pretty big insurance settlement when my clan was wiped out. I think I might open a business."

"When I ended up as the last of my clan, I got so much money, if I didn't waste some for my job, I would still have most of it." I said.

"Cookies! Now!" Dan ate some. "These are good.

"Where have you been?"

"Hospital. Hey, do I smell cookies?"

"Mine!"

"Dan, let him have a cookie."

"Fine. Bet you're not so tough without that sword."

"Who's this?"

"He used to be the ninja, until he broke his oath never to bake cookies several seconds ago."

...


	4. The Dentist

**I like Doug's character. I like writing stories with him. The thing is that I made him for a story for him that I only really use when I have writers block. Since the reason I usually can't write is because I have other things to do. So I don't get to write with him very often. I might start making up original stories for Dan Vs to use Doug in if I get to the point that I actually finish the series. But that means I'd have to find another story like this to write with another character, since I'd have to come up with the original stories myself. But I'd have to do that anyway, so that's not much of a concern.**

**...**

So this morning, I got called by grandma. She apparently had some kindnof a fight with Dan. I'm assuming it was an argument over the phone because she's to weak to leave her home, much less throw a punch. I usually try to avoid my family because they're just as nice as Dan.

It took me a long time to get to the point of being able to tolerate him. Even then, it's only because we have our mutual understandings; As long as none of us mess with eachother, we don't have a problem. Well, that and he's the only one that doesn't want my money. I'm not allowed to spend so much cash because it would look suspicious that a—

And now I have a phone call interrupting my internal monologue. (Note to self: finish internal monologue later.) "Agent Silent Wind. We have an assignment for you." It's a business call.

...

I haven't been here in a bout a decade ago bexause of a root canal. The dentist's Dan got his favorite bear from, Dr. Pullem, apparently may or may not be a supervillian. Pretty sure I remember Dan yelling he was when I was here. Either way, I'm investigating that possibility.

"Doug?" Oh, speak of the devil. It's Chris. Which means Dan is nearby.

"Don't talk to me. I'm not here." I whispered.

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked.

"I just said, I'm not here." I repeated.

"Yes, you are! Your clearly right here!" (Note to self: explain to Chris that when I say "I'm not here.", I want him to pretend I'm not there.

"I'm here for a thing with my job." When ever I mention my job, Dan usually stops caring about what ever I'm covering up and drops the topic. It works well since Dan doesn't care much about what I'm doing unless he needs my help. I'm basically an extra Chris to him.

"What is your job?" Chris asked. Sadly, Chris is not Dan; It takes slightly more to lose his suspicion.

"Corporate espionage." I whispered. I prentend my job is to mess with companies. It works well. It sounds like I spy on buisnesses instead of people. Like I steal company secrets when I'm actually taking government secrets. It also explains why I might need to travel across the world or be places I wouldn't normally need to. Also, I generally specilize in corperate related assignments, so there's that. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Dan lost a tooth." Chris said. Oh. Wait, how did that happen? If they were gonna break, it would have happened ages ago.

"I thought he hated the dentist here." I said.

"He does." Chris replied.

"Get away from me! Oh, my goodness! Ow! Help! Chris, save me! " Dan sounds like he's in trouble. Or getting help for his tooth. I'll know soon enough.

"Mama, I'm scared." You shouldn't be.

"No, no, I'm sure he's fine, dear." He won't

"Oh! Please, just kill me!" Yeah, I think this is going to go somewhere bad pretty quickly. "Chris, help!" Mostly for the people in that room.

"I'm not going in there!" Yeah, that was never my plan. I was going to talk to the dentist about expanding. Of course, it's a ruse to allow myself to look around.

"Oh, it burns. It burns!" I don't know if I should help him. Chris already left to help him. I could use that as a distraction to explore the place. Yeah, I'll do that.

...

Well, it seems no one is around. Their all busy distracted by the yelling in the office. I should steal Dan a lolipop for that one. He earned it. I cam see the dentists office. First, I should check for lasers. Nope, no laser security. Now to lockpick the door. And it was unlocked. Weird.

What's weirder is that his door says he's an SV. That's not a medical Doctorate. It's an evil doctorate. This guy would have to be one of the worst villians on the planet if he just left than on a unlocked doors window. Then again, no ones noticed this guy and he's been around since I was a kid. The lack of subtle might be the key.

Now, to check dental records. It's weird that Dan would return here even though he hates the guy. There might be mind control or some other manipulation at play here.

Woah! I just found a file on Dan. Apparantly the dentist uses xray writing. I know this because he left xray goggles nearby and I put them on for no reason. I can't read this because it's either written in another language or some code. Or both.

I'll just take this with me. The NSA should have a new codebreaker in a few days. I have a contact in there that might be able to help. The last codebreaker got "misplaced" by another agent. There might be a mole. I hope it's not my contact. That would suck.

Ow. The back of my head. Now I'm going to wake up with a concussion.

...

Where am I? Why do I have a concussion? Wait a minute, why am I strapped in the chair they normal keep children in while the Dentist looking at their teeth. Oh, someone must have snuck up on me while I was reading. Over the sounds of Dans yelling, I couldn't hear whoever that was sneaking up on me.

Now that I'm thinking back, there was a pause during Dan's yelling. He probably got gassed and the who ever got me used his wake up rant to catch me off guard. Well played. I'll get them back later. I'm strapped up to the chair good. But how would they know my size?

Wait a minute! I'm slightly taller than Dan. They must have used him to get the measurements. But I have those extra inches to throw off their calculations. I can push back enough to free my legs. Done. Now, if I lean on the chair backwards, I can flip backwards. Done.

My back also snapped a little, and now I feel better than when I woke up this morning. Now...if I...pull hard enough... I can free myself. And now I'm out.

Based on the fact that the lights are off, I'm guessing it's night time right now. Time to go. I can hear glass shattering. Somewhere in side this building. Someone is breaking in? But why here? And why is the glass not equipped with an alarm.

Wait a minute! I can smell Dan's deodorant. Clearly, he broke into this place and is using it to search for lasers. Because he doesn't carry that thing around for anything other than that. (I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I got my job is because my family is known by government records to be filled with weird individuals that do various conspicuous things, leaving me with plausible deniability of my employment.)

If I just follow the smell, I'll find Dan. Or I can just go home and call it a day. Wait, I meed those files in his office!

...

"Hey guys." I said. Apparently I surprised Chris.

"Don't do that!" Chris yelled. Oh yeah, he's not used to me popping out of nowhere. I do that a lot. It's one of my best talents.

"Doug? What are you doing here?" Dan asked.

"I wouldn't trust that dentist. He locked me one of the other rooms." I answered. Well sorta.

"See! Why would he kidnap Doug if he wasn't a supervillain?" Dan asked.

"Yeah. All I did was break into his office and look i his file cabinet." I added.

"Wait, what?!" Chris asked.

"You can't prove anything!" I shouted. "Anyway, I need Dan's file. It has important stuff on it."

"I already stole it. You can't have it!" Dan declared. Well, that makes my job easier.

"We need someone that can decode it. You don't happen to know someone with a codebreaking computer, do you?" I asked.

...

"Sure, no problem. It'll take about a minute." Apparently Elise made a codebreaking computer. I should keep better track of what she's doing. "Luckily, the NSA doesn't pick this baby up until monday." Wait, it's that computer?!

"Dan? Do you have something to say to Elise?" Chris asked. After some intense struggling with himself, Dan willed himself to thank her.

Oh look, the code got translated and printed out. "Hm. It's Dan's dental records. This dentist is evil. He fixes their teeth and creates a new problem." Elise explained.

"That is one crooked dentist." I noted. Ha, puns.

"He fixed Dan's tooth, but also drilled a hole in another tooth." Dan is bouncing off the walls. This is why you don't argue with Dan. He either gets mad when he loses, or he goes crazy when he wins. Both, if it goes unresolved.

"I knew it! I knew it! Now will you help me drill a hole in his face?" Dan asked.

"I'd just settle for taking his teeth out." I replied.

"I was talking to Chris!" Oh right.

"Okay." Chris answered, reluctantly.

...

We waited in his office for an hour. Dan has a drill (I don't think he was kidding about the "drilling a hole in his face."), Chris has a pipe, and I have a tank filled with enough gas to keep him unconscious during the entire teeth removal process. When the doctor came in, he dropped his coffee and ran. "After him!" Dan ordered.

He just locked himself in the janitor's office. "Now we've got him!" Dan yelled. I smashed the door down.

"He's gone!" Chris exclaimed.

"It's just a trick. Look for a hidden lever." I explained. He wouldn't have run into a deadend and disappeared. I'm the only person on the planet skilled enough to do that.

"No there isn't. We must have made a wrong turn." Chris denied. Dan pulled on a mop, and a hidden door opened.

"See. Hidden door. Need more proof that he's a supervillian?" Dan is not letting that go anytime soon. We hurried down the escape pole behind the hidden door.

...

Apparently it leads to the trash chute, which dropped us off in the parking lot. "He's getting away!" Time is running out. I climbed out of the trash chute as more grarbage dropped ever five seconds. How much trash does this place need to dispose of?

And the dentist has a supercar, "Incisor 1", with rocket boosters. I wanted one of those, but "Noooo. They're too suspicious". I could be having a supercar race/fight right now.

Oh, Chris is following him in the car. Wait a minute! I'm not in the car! There goes my chance at getting back at him.

Well, I guess that means I'm walking home.


End file.
